Getting God's Heart

I’ve been surprised lately… ministry has been really fruitful. It’s scary when a missionary says that fruitful ministry is taking her by surprise. But the fact of the matter is I’m just like everyone else – trying to figure out how to show people what the Father looks like. It’s not “easier” because I am a missionary. I am just doing it in a different country.

We all have to figure out what it looks like and how to do it.

Sharing the gospel.

I’ve heard many people reference St Francis of Assisi who said “share the gospel and if necessary use words." The first time I heard that I said “YEAH!!!” Because the gospel should be demonstrated. But I’ve mellowed my enthusiastic endorsement; too quickly do we use that as a way to hide. I think it is true that words are not enough. It pains my heart to listen to so many people week after week share that they were Christians, or were brought up in a Christian environment, but as an adult chose something else because what was being said and the way people were living did not match up. We must live out Holiness, because we love Him and want to look like Him. But I think it is also crucial that we use words, too. Or we will be chalked up as humanitarian do-gooders and our silence will confirm that God is superfluous in a world that just needs more random acts of kindness.

Our God is more than that.

That was a random tangent, but what I really wanted to share is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING! I don’t have methodology or 90% success rate or any of that. I am not a super hero missionary but a goofy girl trying to figure it out as I go. But ministry has been so fruitful lately and I am literally puzzled, sitting here asking God "why?"

And I think simply it comes down to… desire. I genuinely desire to see people encounter God’s love and acceptance. It matters to me that people who are broken receive healing and restoration. I’m not doing it because I have to while secretly thinking about the 10 other things I’d rather be doing right now. Or maybe it’s just that one thing that ranks higher. Whatever the case may be, let’s be honest with ourselves, a lot of times we don’t see fruit because our heart is in other places, other things. And our time invested in other things, other people. At the end of the day something else is more important.

To be fair, sometimes the thing that’s hindering us is our own pain or need. We want to care, but we are still just trying to get filled ourselves. Over the last few weeks, (which have been some of the harder ones I’ve had to deal with) I have realized that at times the best thing we can do is… give anyway. Not because God doesn’t care about our hurt or our need, but because sometimes the way He wants to minister to us is as we minister His love to others. Counter-intuitive isn’t it? He is shocking, I know.

Now, luckily, whatever is getting in our way, whatever is causing the gap between what we’d like to see and what is really happening through our lives, the answer is not in forcing ourselves or “making” ourselves better. I believe it is to desire His heart, to ask for it, and to diligently seek it. And that may start with answering the painfully simple question: do we really want it?